Gone are the days of walking up to someone new in the playground and saying:
“Hi, my name is Ann-Marie. What’s yours? Want to come to my house to play?”
Do that as a grown-up and you’ll probably get a pretty weird response (well, depending on who you’re talking to, I guess!)
The truth is, once you hit your 30s, most people are set in their friendship groups. Their girl gangs. Their old school pals, workmates, or mum friends. So what happens if you’re the one who feels… left behind?
The last single girl standing
Still single. No children. Slowly drifting from your OG mates because they’re all knee-deep in weddings, babies, and school runs.
You love them, you’re happy for them, but you also feel…
Truthfully, a little abandoned.
No one is free for last-minute nights out, weekends away, or mid-week wine and catch-ups.
Everything has changed.
So you start to wonder: should I be doing what they’re doing too? Should I run to catch up with them?
Or am I destined to be left alone if I choose a different path? Billy-no-mates (poor Billy btw, whoever he is).
Playing catch-up (and why it’ll wear you out)
When the wedding bus started rolling, I tried to keep up. I was sprinting behind it, putting so much pressure on myself to do what everyone else was doing. Dating one loser after another.
It was exhausting – and it left me feeling like a failure. But I just couldn’t see the wood through the trees. I was so laser-focused on trying to have what my friends had, to reconnect with them again. It literally never occurred to me to try to forge new friendships- I actually thought “I’ve got enough friends, I don’t need more”. Pahaha, how wrong I was!
Fast forward a decade, and I realised I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. On one of my trips last year, I met a young woman in her late twenties while staying in a hostel. She told me she loved travelling and wanted to extend her trip, then move to the city when she got home, but all of her friends were getting married and buying houses in her hometown. She didn’t want that life right now, or maybe ever, but she also didn’t want to get “left behind.”
And I recognised that same panic I used to feel.
So I told her:
“Can I give you some advice? You just need new friends.”
Not instead of your old ones – just as well as. Just like new mums find other mum friends who understand what they’re going through, you need people who are on the same path as you.
The biggest mistake you can make? Forcing yourself to follow someone else’s path just to fit in.
New stage of life? New friends too
Some of my closest friends today are women I met after turning 30. And I’m still ride-or-die with my OG girls, even if our lives look different. We don’t always relate to each other’s day-to-day anymore… and that’s ok!
But here’s something important- just because your life has taken a different route doesn’t mean you’ve outgrown your old friends. Those people hold so many of your core memories – growing up, laughing until you cried, surviving heartbreaks together. Your connection may shift, but it doesn’t disappear.
Those friendships still deserve to be nourished, even if the way you spend time together right now is completely different.
The time I literally googled ‘how to make friends’
When I first moved back to London, I realised I didn’t want to only hang out with my boyfriend. I barely knew anyone else in the city, so I literally typed into Google: how to make friends in London.
Yes, I did feel a tinge of embarrassment that I was resorting to such measures. But guess what? It worked.
I found a Facebook group for women in London, posted in it, and within weeks, I’d met two amazing women who are still my best friends today.
Did it feel awkward? Vulnerable? Like a weird friend date?
Fuck yes.
But it was so worth it! One friendship snowballed into a whole group of single, childfree, powerhouse women, all living in London!
If you can go on a date with some random guy, you can survive an awkward friend’s date
Making new friends as an adult feels a bit like dating. There’s always the chance you won’t click. But the discomfort of putting yourself out there is nothing compared to the joy of finding someone who just gets you.
I mean, seriously, can it be any worse than some of the trash Tinder dates you’ve had?
Travel friends aren’t just for twenty-somethings
Since I’ve been travelling full-time, I’ve made countless new friends – many I know will be in my life forever.
There’s this idea that travel friendships are only for people in their 20s. Total crap. Some of my best friends are in their 30s and 40s. And yes, some are in their 20s too – because friendships don’t have to stay inside your decade.
In fact, you can learn SO much from your pals in different age brackets.
How I actually find new friends now
If you’re wondering how to do it yourself, here are the ways that have worked for me:
- Facebook groups – Yes, it’s a bit old school, but it’s full of local communities and expat groups, or people with similar hobbies and interests.
- Coliving houses – Homes for digital nomads with private rooms and shared spaces. They often organise activities, dinners, and outings, which makes meeting people effortless. (My fave? Co404 in Latin America!)
- Apps like Bumble BFF – Refreshingly ghost-free compared to dating apps, and brilliant for finding friends in new places.
My go-to line for testing a new friendship
If you feel nervous about being too forward, here’s my little trick after having a general chat with someone:
“Well, I’m planning on going to X later – if you fancy joining, let me know!”
It’s casual, not a direct question, and it gives the other person space to think about their answer. It’s an easy, low-risk way to test the waters.
Some friendships come in seasons (and that’s ok)
You don’t have to follow your friends’ paths to keep them. Your real friends will love and support you no matter what.
And some friendships? They’re only meant for a season of your life. That doesn’t make them less important – it just means they played their part, and it’s ok to let them go.
But here’s what I believe most: it’s never too late to create new, lasting friendships.
So be brave and put yourself out there! Invest in them. Nourish them. Support each other… even if your choices and lifestyles don’t match.
Because in the end, it’s our friendships – not our relationship status – that carry us through the inevitable ups and downs of life!
I’m so grateful to all of my friends, past, present, and future!
