Why is it that no matter how many times we’ve done something, no matter how qualified we are, no matter how many people tell us we’re good, fantastic, exceptional even, we still doubt ourselves? Feel like we’re not actually good enough. Like we’ve pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes and can’t believe we’ve gotten away with it this long!
Commonly known as “imposter syndrome,” I personally think it’s more like “Millennial syndrome.”
Now, i’m sure, every generation feels it, but us millennials? We’ve taken a proper beating when it comes to self-doubt and general feelings of inadequacy.
Stuck in the middle of it all
We had boomer parents drilling in the old-school rules: work hard, save your money, pay into your pension, maybe one holiday a year, climb the corporate ladder, buy a house. Easy. Yeh, in the 80’s maybe!
On the other side, Gen Z came along with their super tech-savvy brains, home-office culture, crazy levels of confidence, and that effortless ability to say, “nope, that doesn’t work for me,” without blinking. I was brought up to follow any authoritative rule – don’t answer back. But Gen Zers have much sharper bullshit detectors and aren’t afraid to stand up to “the man” and call out hypocrisy. And I bloody love it!
(And no, I haven’t forgotten Gen X. They were busy raving and misbehaving, with a hard working “just get on with it” attitude- probably just as fucked up as us millennials.)
So where does that leave us? Stuck in the middle. We don’t get to buy houses with a £7k deposit. The property ladder feels like a never-ending swim against the current. We can totally keep up with modern tech, but rarely to the level of our younger colleagues. And we live with this weird nostalgia, remembering life without internet and mobile phones, while trying desperately to keep up with constant change. The first generation to believe we could have it all, but the goalposts moved so far and fast that having it all is just out of our reach!
When “just get on with it” was the norm
Growing up, no one was talking about mental health. You just got on with it. Now it’s everywhere, which is brilliant, but also a lot to process. We’re suddenly having to untangle feelings we never had words for, and frankly were often encouraged to put in a box and keep locked away!
And if you’re a parent, you’re probably thinking, do I try the whole gentle parenting thing, or just copy our parents and take the no-bullshit route? Kids should be seen and not heard, right? I reckon every parent I know questions whether they’re doing it right, despite the fact that their kids are happy, healthy little humans- they’re doing a bloody fantastic job, but they will always wonder if they could be doing better!
Add to that the skills we learned the hard way, manual, offline, pre-digital life, which don’t always feel useful anymore. Is that progress? Maybe. But it leaves you wondering where exactly we fit. No wonder we’re always second-guessing ourselves.
From fairytales to ghosting
And it’s not just about work.
I remember being in relationships thinking: one day he’ll realise I’m not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough.
Disney and rom-coms had us believing you meet your prince charming and live happily ever after. Simple as that!
Pahahaha.
Enter the dating app era.
Fucking hellllll. At first it was exciting and novel. Then the ghosting began, and people realised they had an endless buffet of shags at their fingertips. Our self-esteem has been slowly battered for over a decade.
Am I worth it?
Fast forward to work life. Last week I sent a quote to a client for a project that will be time-consuming, in-depth, and hugely valuable to them. Something I know I can deliver. And yet I still found myself stressing that it was too high.
That they’d think: “Pfft, who does she think she is? No way we’d pay her that!”
But the truth is, I am worth it. And they are paying it. Because they see my value, even when I doubt it.
Your “evidence list”
So what can we do to change our thinking?
Take a step back and write down every skill and quality you’ve built up. Start from when you were a kid. What did you bring to sports teams? What were you good at in your first job? What do your friends rely on you for?
That’s your evidence list. Proof. Receipts. Your value, written in black and white.
Keep adding to it, and reading through it… reinforcing your worth.
And if you’re in a rut in life, use it to plot the direction of your next job, venture, hobby etc.
Another thing you can do is ask three or four friends or family members to choose five words to describe you- it will likely really surprise you hear how others percieve you – and i’m sure give you a little buzz of confidence!
Work, dating, life, same rule
When I’m ready to re-enter the dating world, I’m taking that same logic with me- I am the prize. You need to prove your worth to me.
Because whether it’s sending a quote, swiping on a dating app, or just existing in this messy in-between generation, you’re not an imposter. You’re not “getting away with it.” You’ve earned your place here.
I’m ok, hope you are too!
