The never-ending pursuit of becoming better
Sometimes I look at my life and genuinely wonder how the hell I feel this busy. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have kids. I don’t even work a traditional full-time job. And yet I still feel like I’m constantly behind, trying to improve myself, like it’s some sort of invisible competition I never agreed to enter.
I have absolutely no fucking idea how women with children manage to do anything. Ladies, I salute you. You are amazing. I can’t even keep a plant alive. I am in awe.
Somewhere along the way, simply existing stopped being enough. Being a woman in her 30s and 40s now feels like sitting an exam you didn’t actually sign up for. You’re not allowed to just age – you must be constantly upgrading!
When self-improvement becomes admin
Here’s a snapshot of the shit swirling in my head at any given moment:
Learn Spanish
Grow my business
Go to therapy
Hit the gym
Work on my mobility
Get my steps in
Write my blog
Keep friendships alive
Try to be emotionally available and open to love again
Basically, be a better human
The reality for a lot of women is that personal development isn’t a cute hobby anymore. It regenerates overnight like a to-do list with abandonment issues. You tick one thing off, and three more suddenly appear.
It’s not that I hate personal development
Now don’t get me wrong, I actually love this stuff. I enjoy learning, healing, growing, trying new things, expanding who I am. Personal development is not something I’m forcing myself through, like a punishment for being alive. These things genuinely interest me. They make me feel good. They make my life richer, I want to keep evolving.
My point is, when did the enjoyment of growth turn into pressure to constantly improve? Who decided that progress had to feel like a race? We’ve somehow gone from wanting to be better to feeling like we’re never enough. And I don’t want that. I want to flip it back. I want to enjoy the process again and actually be grateful that I get to do all these wonderful things for myself. Growth should feel like a privilege, not a bloody chore.
The brutal pressure to optimise everything
There was a time when being a decent person involved not being a dick and occasionally recycling. Now you have to maintain a skincare routine, heal your childhood trauma, have a secure attachment style, lift weights, meditate, manifest, eat 120 grams of protein, journal, and also apparently become your highest self. I don’t know who she is, because I’ve never met the woman, and honestly, she sounds exhausting.
Personal development for women has turned into a weird competition where nobody wins because the finish line keeps moving.
The comparison trap
Open Instagram for ten seconds and you’ll be slapped in the face by women who look like they’ve cracked the code to existence. The entrepreneur. The mother. The traveller. The wellness goddess doing Pilates on a beach at sunrise, wearing a perfect matching set.
Most of us aren’t even trying to improve our lives anymore. We’re just trying not to feel like shit compared to people on the internet who have professional lighting and a therapist on retainer.
Comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel is like comparing your laundry pile to someone’s wedding photos. They’re both real, both valid, but absolutely not the same category of thing, so stop torturing yourself!
Why women always think they’re behind
Here’s the truth I’m finally realising…
There’s no version of you that’s finished. You don’t graduate from personal development. You’re not going to wake up one day and think, “nailed it- I am now perfect. Job done.”
You’re always going to think there’s something else you could be working on. Some days you’ll smash it. Other days you’ll do nothing. Some days, simply not setting your life on fire counts as progress.
Not going backwards is still moving forward. Why did nobody tell us that part??
What personal development should actually look like
It should feel like growth, not punishment
Curiosity, not comparison
Becoming someone you like, not someone who looks good online
You don’t have to fix every single part of yourself before you’re allowed to enjoy your life. You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need to be perfectly healed before you deserve connection. You’re not a malfunctioning appliance- stop acting like you need repairing.
A new definition of enough
If you’re trying, you’re doing enough
If you’re resting, you’re doing enough
If you’re crying into your pillow while googling therapists, you’re still doing enough
Progress doesn’t always look productive. Sometimes it looks like eating pasta in bed and choosing not to text someone who treats you like shit (don’t text him!) Sometimes it looks like booking a solo trip. Sometimes it looks like getting out for a walk when you’ve been sitting on your bum all day.
That counts. All of it counts.
Final thought
Personal development for women has gone from empowering to borderline ridiculous. Remember- you don’t need to become the best version of yourself before you get to enjoy your own life. You’re allowed to be a work in progress and still worthy of everything good right now.
You are enough. Even on the days you forget it!
